Thoughts While Lowering a Crib

• I get why people with kids feel like they need a bigger house: I’m trying to adjust a crib in situ and it feels like parallel parking a parade float in Rome
• “No hon, I’ll do it during the week when the house is quiet.” And when it’s finally hot out. Good work!
• I bet in the fine print of this Ikea manual there’s a Gremlins-like warning saying, “Whatever you do, don’t try to lower the mattress when it’s humid out. Or you’ll discover just how shoddy this pressboard fit is. It’s only a child’s safety, right?”
• What if Ikea is just a conspiracy to convert the US to the metric system?
• How many times has the average fishmonger heard, “Tell me all your thoughts on cod, ‘cause I really want to hear ‘em?”
• This is pretty close to the floor. I might as well schedule back surgery in advance.
• Wonder if we could get a claw from an old arcade prize machine hooked up here.