The Garrison City Should Lock From the Outside

At the beer store just before 3pm. I always get a little nervous when a car pulls in and someone from the backseat gets out.

• DUI?
• Underage driver?
• Just plain crazy?

Thankfully it was number three. After the young guy got out of the back, the front doors opened and out piled a chunky Lauren Ambrose (circa her Law & Order star turn) and The Guy. He probably wasn’t even 50, might have been under 40, but it was an Indiana Jones “It’s not the years, it’s the miles” situation. The Guy was buying, which meant he felt justified in directing the younger two in what they should be picking up like Fagin with his urchins. For some reason Lauren Ambrose couldn’t have her “I’M SICK OF BEING BOSSED AROUND” shit fit in the car and waited until the second her feet hit the threshold, like Burt Lancaster stepping over the baseline in Field of Dreams.

Anyone hoping her storming out would make things less uncomfortable was been bitterly disappointed as The Man walked up to the nice old Indian cashier, asked her, “SPEAK ENGLISH?” and then embarked on a rant suggesting he wanted to learn. The only bits I caught were:

• when he demanded she touch his wet t-shirt to acknowledge he was working on a Friday even though it was raining
• when he somberly asked the owner for free packs of cigarettes

As Warren Ellis likes to say, “It’s a strange world. Let’s keep it that way.’